Humor

Looking like I’m reading a book has added so much value to my life!

Photo Credit: Sam Lion for Pexels

During the pandemic, everyone has been picking up fun hobbies: baking, yoga, hiking, learning Portuguese, rescuing a dog. For so long I too tried to pick up a hobby. I bought a “French for Dummies’’ book and practiced saying “oui, je suis hot” in my mirror. I even tried to skateboard in my living room-but neither of those really felt right.

Then one time on the subway, I brought a book and someone nodded at me as I looked at the book. I wasn’t exactly reading-more…


#gurlboss #sisterhood #demonworship

Hey gurl, want to get brunch? We haven’t talked in so long. I haven’t seen you since we played with Barbies and we have so much to catch up on!

Gurl, hey! Brunch was such fun! I’ll never forget that you bantered with the waiter about how hot the soup was, and that when I ate avocado toast and you asked how a whole avocado could make two girls so happy! And yeah, so I know I mentioned I was part of this new program and I think your life could really benefit. Will send you info tonight!

Gurl, thanks…


*Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis**

So you’ve made the choice to do an outdoor date in 19 degree weather because of Covid precautions. In order to safely meet Kevin from Tinder at the outdoor sushi place, follow these steps to make sure you are not one of the many who succumb to hypothermia and die in the name of love!

Physically Prepare Yourself: This is not a basic bitch date at Applebees where he can watch you suck a Sprite erotically and you talk about your childhood, this is a HEAVY DUTY winter date! You must be willing to suffer and…


Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

**Co-Written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis**

  1. I can’t stay six feet away from you, Hottie ;-)
  2. Don’t ghost me this Valentine’s Day. I promise I’m worth quarantine for 3 weeks for, and taking a Covid test, and also pay me 2k pls
  3. I can’t believe you were exposed to Covid..the only thing I wanted you to be exposed to was my heart
  4. Don’t mask your true feelings from me hun, but do wear a mask because it’s socially responsible!
  5. Gurl, you make me horny enough to take a Covid test…JK I don’t want to
  6. The best cure for Covid is tons of…

HUMOR

Ya basic gurl!

Photo Credit: Anna Shvets from Pexels

As an aspiring journalist and fashion enthusiast, I am perplexed as to why my article, “Babies of Central Park Wear Winter Hats: What’s Hot and What’s a Fashion Abomination” has been rejected from every outlet I have sent it to.

Some of these outlets like Vanity Fair seem confused about why I would care about baby fashion in the first place. Well, here’s the thing: although I am not a mother and think babies are super annoying, if they’re going to take up public space and cry at weird intervals, they might as well be dressed cutely. …


(Her nails look so edgy i love!) Photo Credit: Lisa Fotios from Pexel

I have been writing humor for about 2/3ish years now and have had my work published in lots of baller sites across the web like McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, Flexx and others. I am writing this because wanted to share some trashy things I learned along the way and I also just a bit too into giving advice.

If you’re curious about humor writing, I say go for it!! For me humor writing has been a wonderful outlet to make friends, work on my comedic chops and put myself out there as a writer. Also it’s a field that says “yes…


Original Photo by Ioann Peshkov on Unsplash

**Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis**

Why are there so many dead people in these supposedly merry and bright movies? Vulture

Fell through the ice while skating on pond that wasn’t 100% frozen over

Choked on candy cane while distracted writing original Christmas song for orphans

Freak Christmas house lighting accident (electrocution)

Faulty Christmas tree ornaments

Poisoned Christmas cocoa

Strangled by holiday robber (tinsel?)

Painting Christmas tree mural in poorly-ventilated area and died from noxious fumes

Fatal allergic reaction to elf costume

Tried to feed a candy cane to a stray possum on Christmas and it attacked them

Stabbed through heart…


Photo Credit:Hallmark (under Fair use)

*Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis**

  1. Are you a cis/het white couple with glistening hair and perfect teeth?

A)No

B)Yes

*Note, if you answered A, please stop the quiz. You are NOT a Hallmark couple.*

2.How did you two meet?

A)Tinder

B) He bumped into me when I was walking out of my failing-yet-quaint cafe and nearly knocked my peppermint coffee out of my hands! So upsetting, yet also kinda hot!

3.What do you and your significant other like to do together?

A)I drink a few glasses of rose and watch him play video games.

B)We make homemade gingerbread houses from scratch…


Photo Credit: Hallmark (under Fair Use)

**Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis**

Hey Rebecca, thank you so much for coming to our house! Now there might be some things that confuse you but that’s okay, we’ll help you understand. See right over there, that’s a “Christmas tree.” It’s a tree we put up in our rec room and have presents below it. Now we know Judaism is a lot about suffering and less about gifts but we Christians love to give each other warm gifts and show each other we care.

Also, sometimes on Christmas we play songs around the piano about the baby Jesus and the manger…


Jonathan Borba for Pexels

**Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis**

December 1

My New Year’s Resolution is to figure out how to get emancipated. High school is bad enough without all my parents’ crazy bullshit. They’ve been screaming at each other all night until Mom threw a gingerbread house at Dad’s head and he said he was going to go sleep out in the garage. I wish I had normal parents instead of a resentful Dad who gave up his job as a big city lawyer to settle down in a small town and work at Mom’s dog bakery.

December 4

What if I never escape…

Catherine Weingarten

Catherine Weingarten is a humor writer, playwright and wedding cake enthusiast.

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