**Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis** [RUTH, a 20-something punk, returns to Snowbrooke, her hometown for Christmas. She runs into her ex-boyfriend JAREN, a 20-something ex-punk, who is now filled with the Christmas spirit. RUTH, realizing she still has feelings for JAREN, decides to teach him about how Christmas is truly trash.] …

**Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis** I know it’s your family’s annual Mistletoe party and you’re my estranged crush, Brad, but I’m sorry, it’s not going to happen. I don’t even know how I ended up here, wearing this sweater with a snowman on it, holding mistletoe over my head while your…

Hi, it’s me, a woman’s magazine writer most known for pieces such as “best pickup lines to use at your uncle’s funeral” and “best ways to make your Christmas less about Jesus and more about your boobs.” My editor assigned me to write a sex/love piece about Thanksgiving this year…

My owner Kylie and I go to the park, mostly to be seen — 8:00 am: I wake up in my pugalicious dream home which has photos of me dressed up as a teacher, a nurse, a cat etc. The whole thing is being videotaped for my insta and I’m so embarrassed because I do a little pug snort as I wake up and…

**Co-written with Gracie Beaver-Kairis** Trick or Love? When a big city gal Cindy Smith gets fired from her high-powered job as a lawyer defending evil corporations that hate Halloween, she retreats back to her small Ohio town and moves back in with her family. Just in time for Halloween, she…

This is way more fun than meditating! — For so long, I thought meditating would bring me serenity, as well as help my inadequate social skills. I would sit for hours in my studio apartment counting my breaths, writing in my gratitude bullet journal, and praying that I would no longer want to run my ex over with…

It hurts in a hot way! For so many people, going to the dentist is an uncomfortable experience, but for me it’s actually wildly hot. There’s nothing sexier than a man telling me to “Say ah.” From a young age I loved having an older man get mad at me…

*Co-written by Gracie Beaver-Kairis and Catherine Weingarten*

I am so proud of myself for all those nights I didn’t text my girlfriend back. —